I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
