Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
