Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
so that wasnt chicken after all
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Randomize
