If i come over, it means nothing
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
