hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
