how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
