Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
