Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
