i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize