I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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