I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Im part way to drunk.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
