Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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