lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
