sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
