mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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