I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
