He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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