I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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