Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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