Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
