I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
