break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
