I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
it wasn't lemon gatorade
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Randomize
