I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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