i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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