That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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