I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
