It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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