U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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