So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
