then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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