epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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