You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
