Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
he fucked my hip out of place.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I have tasted many bathrooms
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
