it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Randomize
