very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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