For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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