It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
