hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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