Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
