I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
