I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
