The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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