Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
