He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
