You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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