Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Randomize
