Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
