Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
