How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
