im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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