Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
