Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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