i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Randomize
