Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
