Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
