She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
