Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
