I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
