So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
