we have pet lesbian snakes
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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