I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
