man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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