my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
