I'm going to jail i love you
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
