No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
FUCK WHALES
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
