remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
