and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
We're too hungover to prance.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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