I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
