you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
