Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
