Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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