Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
So vagazzling was a success
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
