mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
