I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
