If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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